The sweet smell of spring reminds me of the things I left behind. How, on that one regretful day, I left behind everything that was dear and special to me. Sadly, there is no going back, there is only forward. However large my regrets for the things I have done, I am yet thankful that I did not suffer the way my loved ones surely did at the hands of the horrid sickness.
The loneliness I feel is nothing compared to the hunger that haunts me daily—no matter how hard I try I cannot remove myself from the need that pushes me forward. I remember every face that I took and the ones that escaped due to my neglect. I took them out of need not want; I see that now. I hope when I am judged at my long waited end days, I will receive some sort of leniency.
I could blame the Darkness for all my crimes and for a long time I did. I did not want to face the fact that all the choices I made were mine. Had I not pledged to It, It would have left me to find a new specimen—though Its manipulations were grand, still it was me that made the decisions.
Maybe it is the remembrance of the past intermingled with the sweet aroma of lilacs that stops me from taking her as I have so many others. Every time I smell her on the breeze, my memories are refreshed and I am able to step back into the past to see the ones I loved. I never allow her eyes to focus on me for long, she frightens me because of what she stirs within me. Somehow, she knows me and does not care of about my crimes.
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