Charles W Jones

It’s been so long since I’ve seen A Return to Salem’s Lot ( 1987 ), it felt like seeing it for the first time, and just as long since seeing the miniseries from 1979 that spun this sequel. I wish I would’ve left it as a faded memory, and not ruined it because this has to be one of the worst films ever made. Axel says I have a drinking problem. Mrs. Axel I’m not sure which is worse, the acting or the vampire costume/makeup or the fake skin? Well, at least Michael Minard’s musical score is good, but not good enough to redeem the whole of A Return to Salem’s Lot. The setting is another shining gem in this tarnished crown. The story wasn’t horrible, and it had an interesting ask from the vampires. Then out of nowhere, they throw in an aging Nazi Hunter, who helps Joseph and Jeremy escape. I still don’t get the need to have a Nazi Hunter, but I guess it made sense at the time, more sense than vampires breeding; and I thought sparkling was a reach. I’m amused that this awkwardly embarrassing...

I vaguely remember Mimic ( 1997 ) when it came out. I know I saw it, but for the life of me, I couldn’t tell you anything about it. Since it’s a Guillermo del Toro film, I figured I’d give it another watch. Back then, I had no idea who he was, or why he mattered, of course, that’s changed since 1997. Strangely, I can check out bugs all day long, take photos of them for Facebook and Instagram, and I have no problem. The minute I see them in a movie or read them in a book my skin starts to crawl. Maybe, that’s why I don’t remember the details of this movie; I blocked it out. I’m impressed with the edge of the seat thrills and suspense Mimic offered throughout the film. There was a moment of boredom for me. The presentation of the mutated insects is remarkable, making this a gross-out creature feature for me. As I watched, I remembered things from the first time I’d seen it, and for some reason had placed the memory under Predator. The concept disturbs me, and that’s why, in my opinion, i...

I’ve seen a ton of horror movies throughout the years with a variety of themes (monster, slasher, stalker, etc) and there are many of those that are absolutely dreadful, and Q ( 1982 ) is one of them; it didn’t even have campiness to try to distract from the fact that it was awful. I don’t think I’ve ever seen this movie, but I remember the VHS box in the video store growing up, and now I wish that I hadn’t wasted the time. OK, I do have to give it a little credit, the first part of the movie was one scream after another, but it burnt out quickly and became redundant. Q has some of the worst stop-motion animation I’ve ever witnessed, worse than the 1981 Clash of the Titans and any Godzilla movie ever made. At times, I felt like there was just too much happening. I’m not even sure if this would be categorized as a B, and I hope it’s not because I wouldn’t want this film sullying B-Movies. I can only give this movie 1 out of 5 Stars, because while it’s bad, for me it wasn’t as bad as mov...

The 80s brought about many strange things, and Spellbinder ( 1988 ) seems to highlight many of them in under ninety minutes. I saw this in college on VHS, but I didn’t recall it being so slow to get anywhere, like so many movies today that fight to get to the point. Spellbinder is the first time I saw Tim Daly in anything. I think back in the day that I thought he was great and not awful to look at. Now, as I see this movie again after over three decades, and knowing a few of his other roles, I shake my head because he’s the same in everything, even Wings. The romantic parts were steamy, almost like it was made for Skin-a-max. At times the suspense was terrific, but for the most part, I wasn’t impressed. I think the best scene was when the man was burned for his betrayal. Spellbinder isn’t the worst thing I’ve seen from the 80s, but pretty close, at the least the final sequences were entertaining. I should mention that twist made watching the entire movie worth it. Oh, one more thing. ...

Is The Crimson Cult ( 1968 ) a BDSM movie? Exploitation? Sadly, it’s not either. It’s a strange mystery, I guess, but it’s not horror, and barely horror-lite. Altar is the British name for the film. It stars Boris Karloff, Christopher Lee, Mark Eden, and Virginia Wetherell, and it was distributed by American International Pictures. This is another film that received a new title when it arrived in the USA: The Crimson Cult. It was based on the short story The Dreams in the Witch House by H. P. Lovecraft. Yeah, I know what you mean. It’s like Boris Karloff is going to pop up at any moment. Robert Manning The few glimpses of men in S&M gear isn’t enough, nor is Karloff’s extraordinary performance pushing to make this movie any better, though, unfortunately, he couldn’t even save it. The set is beautiful, a standard of AIP, but, again, when it’s a flop you can throw anything at it and it’s not going to change the pig wearing lipstick. I agree with The Monthly Film Bulletin (36 (42...

If Tower of Evil ( 1972 ) was intended to be an exploitation film, it didn’t really meet what my expectations of them are. They did start it out with creepiness with the over-filled fog on the soundstage as the two men go to the island to find the kids that went out there. Besides the opening craziness and a few flashback scenes from Penny, who is an amazing screamer, by the way, the thrills and mystery are mediocre at best. At times, I found my mind wandering, which I think caused me to miss some of the bland explanations. When they threw in a second Penny’s flashback, I was hopeful and excited with what I hoped was to come; too bad it took forever and was anticlimactic. In addition to the flashbacks and the screams, I loved the family photo, seriously, that is amazing (see the hero image). The creepy laugh from the killer/maniac reminded me of a few Scooby Doo villains, but at least it made me feel something. The gore was good, but could’ve been more than what was given. And then, th...

Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf ( 1985 ) sort of starts where The Howling (1981) ends with Karen White dying after she’d transformed into a werewolf. After the flashback scenes end that’s all forgotten. I find it interesting that this is based on Gary Brander’s novel The Howling II when nothing like this happened in the book. The first was like that too, so I guess it’s OK. There are so many things that I don’t understand about this movie, like why Mariana didn’t change completely and why the effects/costuming wasn’t as good as the first. Or why Christopher Lee was in this; he must have needed the money. I know he’s a B-movie star, but this is barely that. Then there’s Sybil Danning. Really? Are you a dominatrix, witch, or werewolf? At least they brought the good ole cheese. The best part of the movie (besides when it ended) was the track Howling by Stephen Parsons that is played throughout the movie…well, snippets of it; that’d be weird if it was stuck on repeat. Another cool th...

Full, crescent, quarter…each is a bad moon for a werewolf. First off, I want to tell you that I didn’t like Bad Moon ( 1996 ) that much. It had so much potential to be good, but failed. There are good parts, like the beginning with the werewolf attack, even though the beast was very stiff. My attention was caught at this scene, and the reason I continued to watch. The term “flopsy” was weird, referring to the grifter that came to Janet’s home. I’ve never read Thor by Wayne Smith, so I don’t know if this was a term that he used in the book. From reading about this book, I wish they would’ve spent more time to focus on the dog’s point of view in the movie as it would’ve been better even with the horrible werewolf costume. I think the werewolf is what bugs me the most about this film. American Werewolf in London, The Howling, and even Silver Bullet had better werewolves than this one. The mouth was in this weird position like it had dislocated its jaw. Now, the gore effects were good, tho...

Twice-Told Tales ( 1963 ) is based on three of Nathaniel Hawthorne’s stories. Based on the film, I’m surprised that American International Pictures wasn’t involved, but it was United Artists. While it carries the name of his anthology of the same name, only Dr. Heidegger’s Experiment is from the anthology. Vincent Price takes the lead in all three of the adaptation. Dr. Heidegger’s Experiment is the first adaptation, it’s sort of a fountain of youth sort of story. As with anything, be careful of what you wish for, you might just get it. This story is strange and has moments that are fucking ridiculous. I liked the age transformation effect they used in both reverse and forward. The acting and sets are what I expect from AIP, which this is not. Next up is Rappaccini’s Daughter. For me it has strange nuances of Romeo and Juliet misted with the Midas Touch, and add a dash of Beauty and the Beast. The poisonous tree is very strange looking and is completely out...

And if you’re really, really good, well, you might just get a brand new dolly. American Gothic ( 1988 ) isn’t a bad film, but there’s not much to say about it. At times, I watch a movie, and when it’s done, I just don’t know what to say about it. There are so many aspects of that of it that I’ve seen in so many other horror movies from the 1980s. The bizarreness of it overpowers the cheese that is present. Usually, that wouldn’t bother me, but American Gothic just wasn’t original. OK, that’s not true. Not everything is a hodgepodge of previous films made in the decade, though those pieces do dominate it. Even the gore effects are like what I’ve seen before. It’s not like there is much to them as they show little of the random acts of violence. The “children” are grown-ass adults, and somehow they’ve been brainwashed by Ma and Pa to believe that they are kids. Cynthia, the only survivor from the group of friends, seems to be changed to think the same thing, but I’m not convinced that sh...

The Funhouse ( 1981 ) is a movie that I’d never heard of until recently, and I thought I’d seen most of the 80s horror. It is like many slasher films of the time with a lot of suspense building. In fact, this one takes quite a long time to get going, like many made in recent years. The creepy factor begins from the first scene with comical parody to Psycho. The score is cheesy but at the same time nerve tingling. The effects are focused on the “beast boy.” The story follows a group of teenagers going to a travelling carnival, which made me think of all the times we went to the County Fair’s carnival with creaking, probably unsafe rides. When the group decides to stay the night in the Funhouse with Amy’s younger brother lurking out of sight of them, I had a good idea of what was going to happen, and I was right. The thing that was the most pleasing for me in this film was the great screaming, comparable to the amazing shrieks of the 50s and 60s. The Funhouse isn’t the best or most origi...

Sci-Fi Horror is always a great combination for me, and when Roger Corman directs it for American International Pictures, I’m pleased as punch. The Beast With 1,000,000 Eyes ( 1955 ) is one of those films that by the end of it I was wondering what the fuck I just watched. It has Dick Sargent (the second Darrin) in a supporting role as Larry, and he’s not much different here than in the Bewitched TV Series. I’m not saying it’s bad, he’s OK. Carol Kelley (Lorna Thayer) is a complete and utter bitch, I was shocked with the things she said about her daughter. At least, she was a good screamer. I was disappointed with the title, I kept waiting to see this magnificent creature with a million eyes, but it never showed itself. At least, everything is explained at the end. The cheese level is through the roof with melodramatic acting. The editing screwed this movie, like Carol jumping before the dog attacks, same with the old man in the barn. The music made me feel like I was watching a Merrie ...

I’m not sure why they named this Ghoulies ( 1985 ) , it seems Satanic Pets or something like that would be more fitting. The Ghoulies themselves don’t really play much in the film besides filler. Had they done something more exciting like Gremlins, maybe, this would’ve been better. And just think, there’s a total of four in the franchise; I will not put myself through all of them, or you. They call me Dick…but, you can call me, Dick. Dick The Ghoulies puppets are gross, and at the same time cool, I just wish they would’ve gotten more screen time. The ritual at the beginning is creepy, then the movie is just blasé as we wait for anything to happen. When it does, it’s not like the mayhem is explosive. The strangest thing is seeing Mariska Hargitay in something so horrendous, but I guess she had to take roles like this to get her break in the business. I love how Jonathan’s pupils are never in the same spot when they turn toxic green. Another great scene is when Dick gets tongued…yeah, th...

Spirits of the Dead ( 1968 ) is a strange anthology film containing three Poe stories. While American International Pictures didn’t produce this film, they distributed the English version; I watched the French/Italian version. It’s strange that not all the voices can be heard as they are erased from the soundtrack. I wonder if it’s the same in the English version. The “Metzengerstein” segment is about a young heiress who is into orgies and other wild acts. The costuming and sets are well imagined. This story is just strange, being French or not. I think if I’d seen the English version, I’d have thought the same. I don’t recall reading this poem as maybe if I had, I would have better insight on it. However, as they displayed it in this anthology, I’m not a fan. Next is the “William Wilson” segment and is the tale of a man who has a doppelgänger; well, another young man has the same name, but they don’t look the same. In one scene, I’m convinced that the cadaver wa...

Another “horror” movie that I find awful Nothing But Night ( 1973 ). It opens with sexy music and ocean-scapes as the credits pop on and off the screen, followed quickly by a fiery car accident, a man being pushed off a balcony, and then a woman being shot in the face. My favorite is the bus driver catching on fire when he lights his cigarette. Unfortunately, he crashes the bus filled with orphans and three adults. This movie has moments that I adore, though, they are very few and far between. The majority is a murder mystery. The strange actions of Anna Harb are comical and melodramatic. Mary Valley is Anna’s daughter who was taken away from her and put in a children’s home on a remote island that is funded by the Van Traylen trust. As with many movies, nothing is revealed or happens until the end, well except the excitement at the beginning. This one was eye-opening in the fact that I believe Jordan Peele used Nothing But Night for his inspiration for Get Out; both suck by...

Lady in White ( 1988 ) is based on the urban legend of the Lady in White; no duh. It has the “Derry” feel or any of the King stories with kids and small towns – It, Silver Bullet, Stand By Me. Should I go on? – Too bad it isn’t as good. The story is narrated by Frankie Scarlatti as an adult as he recounts an experience that he had when he was nine. At one point, I thought I was watching a horrible Neverending Story remake, but that didn’t last long, thank the movie gods. There is so much in this film that is blatantly taken from other films I wanted to scream. Even the effects aren’t original or really good. With all that was taken from others, I’d have thought that it would’ve been better, but it wasn’t done in a way that anything fit or made sense. When the twist comes along, I’m excited that something is actually going to happen in this boring encounter with ghosts that has a touch of the Goonies interlaced into its weave. I don’t understand how this is classified a...

At the beginning of Journey to the Seventh Planet ( 1962 ), the narrator paints a story of the future, this is an excerpt. “The year is 2001. Life is changed now. The planet Earth is no longer racked by wars and threats of annihilation. Man has learned to live with himself.” I wish we would’ve hit that expectation, I guess we still have time. Paradise Uranus – complete with rats, several Eves, and even our apples. Journey to the Seventh Planet is an American International Pictures film, which is obvious with the styling, the thing that amazes me is that they did this with a budget of $75k. One of the things I love about AIP is their ingenuity and recycling of sets and props. The effects are cool and trippy in this one, too, and they even use stop-motion animation; love it. I started laughing every time they said Ur-ah-nus. I don’t think I’ve ever heard it pronounced that way before—obviously, Ur-anus or Ur-an-us—and everyone was very thoughtful about making sure that they said it ...

It’s been a long time since I’ve seen Stigmata ( 1999 ), so when I saw that it was going to be on TV, I had to put it in the DVR. I always found this film strange and disturbing. I like how they used the real stigmata location and give an explanation of the placement. This isn’t the first horror flick Patricia Arquette has been in. She was Kristen Parker in A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors, which was her film debut. Over the years I’ve seen her in tones of things, but never really paid attention to her, even when she was Allison Dubois in the TV series Medium (I only saw a few episodes). Her role as Frankie Page is what made me take notice. The character is oddly reminiscent of Roberta Glass in Desperately Seeking Susan (1985) played by her sister Rosanna Arquette over a decade prior. Stigmata for me, was pivotal because it highlighted possession in a different way than the Exorcist had done. In her fugue state, Frankie sees things and fucked up shit happens to her. There ar...

You think he was white before, you should see that sucker now. Fool The transition in horror style didn’t start until later in the 90s, so I always want to consider The People Under the Stairs ( 1991 ) an 80s movie, on top of that it’s Wes Craven who didn’t transition for the 80s at all. This is the first social themed horror movie that I’m consciously aware of seeing; I’m sure there’s probably some before this, but I don’t remember. The People Under the Stairs has a nice pace and doesn’t hold back to the end to have fun. I love the antagonists, Mommy and Daddy, and their strange sadistic ways. When the “people” are first introduced, I assumed that they were like characters from The Hills Have Eyes (any version). Well, they kinda are until they aren’t. Alice…I’m not sure what to say about her, she’s just there most of the time, which is totally how someone like that would be in real life. I did get a few of my favorite sphincter pucker moments, which I’d be very disappointed had I rece...

This one is odd, is it named Night Terror ( 1977 ) or Night Drive, Googling finds both? The guide with my television provider says Night Drive, but the tile is Night Terror as is the opening title screen, and Amazon lists it as Night Drive, too. Either way, I was impressed that MGM-HD showed it. I remember seeing it when I was a kid, well bits of it, like the guy with the voice modulator. Made for TV movies always hold back on what they show, and this is no different. This movie, though, has great thrills and drama. There are things that happen in this movie that make little sense, like her stopping and having a conversation with a drunk dude, then she decides to walk along the highway; um, there’s a dude following you in a car, how far do you think you’re gonna get? Valerie Harper has always had a special place in my heart since I was a kid because I loved her as Rhoda in the TV series of the same name and the Mary Tyler Moore Show. Seeing her in a different role was very cool. All in...