Charles W Jones

Firestarter (2022) is one of my least favorite Stephen King stories, including the book and movies. The 1984 original was lackluster, and Blumhouse made an almost identical copy. Blumhouse has a way of making something that is labeled horror into barely a thriller. At least there wasn’t anything to ruin with this story. If you haven’t seen either, I don’t recommend them if you want to have any scares. The story follows Charlie, who has psychic abilities inherited from her parents. They got their powers from a “clinical trial.” The company that gave them the drug wants Charlie so they can study her. The special effects were OK, but the whole thing was so dumb that I didn’t care. The only saving grace for this film was Zac Effron. He and Ryan Kiera Armstrong were also the best actors. The rest were just weird to watch, like they were forcing their roles, especially Gloria Reuben. Firestarter is a waste of celluloid, and I gave it 1 out of 5 Stars. Firestarter (2022) #Remake #Flop #Horror...

What Lies Beneath ( 2000 ) is what I call horror-lite with big-name stars (Michelle Pfeiffer and Harrison Ford) that was distributed by DreamWorks Pictures, and produced by ImageMovers. This movie is so bland at the beginning that I wanted to punch myself for even turning it on. There isn’t a hook at all. At least that could’ve kept me interested longer with anticipation of what was to come. I did manage to watch it in entirety. I think because I love Michelle Pfeiffer, and Harrison Ford isn’t so horrible to look at as someone besides Han Solo or Indiana Jones. What Lies Beneath did have a few thrilling moments, though they didn’t last long. The effects are bad; turn off the smoke machine this isn’t the 50s, nor is the film in black and white where that effect works the best. And What Lies Beneath is long, 130 minutes, and it drags out things longer than needed. Had there been more action, I wouldn’t have minded the length. Seriously you had that long to give me a great supernatural, h...

Pyewacket (2017) revolves around Leah Reyes, a teenager fascinated with black magic. Her grieving mom decides to move to a remote house in the woods because that’s always a good idea with a girl into that shit. Based on that, you’d think that it would be a super exciting, thrilling movie, but alas, it was not. At ten minutes in, I thought, oh yeah, here we go, but was quickly disappointed. I kept watching, thinking, oh, here it comes now, and when it did, I was like what? That’s it? Then the suspense went away entirely, and it became more teenage drama. There’s not much good about Pyewacket and very little to say about it. Even the witch was boring. I’m glad I could take one for the team on it and warn you not to waste your time. I give it 1 out of 5 Stars. I wish they'd stop making horror movies like Pyewacket. Click To Tweet

I’ve seen a ton of horror movies throughout the years with a variety of themes (monster, slasher, stalker, etc) and there are many of those that are absolutely dreadful, and Q ( 1982 ) is one of them; it didn’t even have campiness to try to distract from the fact that it was awful. I don’t think I’ve ever seen this movie, but I remember the VHS box in the video store growing up, and now I wish that I hadn’t wasted the time. OK, I do have to give it a little credit, the first part of the movie was one scream after another, but it burnt out quickly and became redundant. Q has some of the worst stop-motion animation I’ve ever witnessed, worse than the 1981 Clash of the Titans and any Godzilla movie ever made. At times, I felt like there was just too much happening. I’m not even sure if this would be categorized as a B, and I hope it’s not because I wouldn’t want this film sullying B-Movies. I can only give this movie 1 out of 5 Stars, because while it’s bad, for me it wasn’t as bad as mov...

I had higher hopes for Howling VII: New Moon Rising (1995) based on the previous installments; too bad it didn’t even reach Marsupials bar. To start, the name of the film in the opening credits was Howling VII: Mystery Woman, but when I did a Google searched, it only returned Howling VII or Howling: New Moon Rising, so it having an identity crisis right away isn’t a good sign. The setting itself is weird, but I can handle that if it makes sense, and I guess it did for the film. I take that back. It didn’t. And what’s with the art noir line dancing scenes? With one, it was quirky. The next was an eye-rolling bore and didn’t add anything to the film, well besides the time that I’ll never get back. The acting is the worst in the franchise. It’s like they just picked people from the street and asked if they wanted to be in a movie. If I were Clive Turner, I’d be super embarrassed for the writing, editing, and his role as Ted Smith, let alone my love for werewolves dropping a little because...

Sometimes dead is better is not a quote from The Craft: Legacy (2020) but what should’ve happened when Blumhouse sat down and decided to make this travesty; allowed the The Craft (1996) to stay the way it was. Also, you know the movie/book that’s from. I hope. In this bland kinda remake of the super cool 1996 original, I was bored and couldn’t figure out why they didn’t do anything new or make it as cool as the original. Then again it is Blumhouse, who I think their slogan should be, “Making Horror Boring Since 2000.” I’ve seen a number of their films and have had the same thought with each of them. Maybe, I should take the hint and not watch any more of their productions because I’m not going to be happy. There’s nothing to say about this film, except, don’t bother. I gave it 1 out 5 Stars.

Drive-Thru ( 2007 ) is one of those movies I missed when it was new, and actually wasn’t aware of its existence until recently when a friend told me to watch it. I’m not sure if he was setting me up or not. At least it was easy to find On-Demand. It’s like finding out that Captian Kangaroo has pieces of Mr. Green Jeans in his freezer. Fisher Kent Drive-Thru has some great quotes, like, You try to relax with Ronald McStalker on your ass. Mackenzie Carpenter , but that’s about all there is that’s great, though, I did enjoy the opening scene. There are so many holes in the story, but at least the creepy Clown slasher was fun. Then they were all over the place, using the Ouija board, then a Magic 8-Ball; pick one. When the story did finally come together, I really didn’t care anymore because of the scattered scenes and sub-plots. The stealing of elements from other movies isn’t new to the industry, but this was like a bad collage. Oh, one more thing I did like was the Horny the Clown ...

I don’t remember why Wounds ( 2019 ) got added to my 2019 watch list, and I wish it wouldn’t have because I was lost most of the time. At points, I understood what they were getting at, but then it disappeared and never really came back. Armie Hammer and Dakota Johnson take on this mess like it was an everyday event to film something that made no sense what so ever. I wonder if they knew that when they read the script or their agents just gave them the script and said it’ll be over soon. The opening is slow but amazingly fast, with nothing really happening until a bar fight, but it didn’t get better from there. Suddenly there’s a barrage of cockroach hallucinations and actual sightings of them, a mystery phone with creepy pictures. But at least Armie took his shirt off a few times. I kept expecting Wounds to turn a corner, and what occurred prior would be explained and understandable, but nope. I still don’t know what the fuck that I watched. Even the weird flashes of dead people or st...

Another “horror” movie that I find awful Nothing But Night ( 1973 ). It opens with sexy music and ocean-scapes as the credits pop on and off the screen, followed quickly by a fiery car accident, a man being pushed off a balcony, and then a woman being shot in the face. My favorite is the bus driver catching on fire when he lights his cigarette. Unfortunately, he crashes the bus filled with orphans and three adults. This movie has moments that I adore, though, they are very few and far between. The majority is a murder mystery. The strange actions of Anna Harb are comical and melodramatic. Mary Valley is Anna’s daughter who was taken away from her and put in a children’s home on a remote island that is funded by the Van Traylen trust. As with many movies, nothing is revealed or happens until the end, well except the excitement at the beginning. This one was eye-opening in the fact that I believe Jordan Peele used Nothing But Night for his inspiration for Get Out; both suck by...

When I watched this, I figured, it’s a Wes Craven movie, so it can’t be too horrible, and at least be better than most. I’m not sure I should’ve have made that assumption. My Soul to Take ( 2019 ) is all over the place, but it is strange enough to keep me entertained. The ‘My Soul To Take” prayer is probably one of the creepiest prayers ever uttered. I remember my dad saying it once while tucking in my brother and me for the night. My mom didn’t like it either, so it was never said again; thank you, Mom. I enjoyed seeing Raul Esparza in a different role from the only other place I’ve ever seen him; Law & Order SVU. The opening sequence with him is brutal and exciting. Was he possessed as some thought or just schizophrenic; for me and my writing the two aren’t exclusive, so, yes to both. Then the movie changed, and the darkness subsides a lot more than it should have. I’m still trying to wrap my head around some of the elements of this movie, the biggest, why the kid nicknamed ‘Bug’...

When I first saw Rosemary’s Baby (1968), I hated it. So now, I’m giving it another shot, thinking that maybe I missed something. Nope. I still find it dreadfully bland and anticlimactic. There are aspects of it that I enjoyed, so I’ll talk about those. The set is beautiful. The apartments and the decorations within each are incredible. I’m curious if they were actually someone’s personal spaces that they used for filming, but not enough to take a closer look anywhere. Mia Farrow is gorgeous and had it not been her in the lead role, I’m not sure I could’ve stomached the entire 136 minutes. I thought some recent horror films were long and uneventful, but this one, GAWD , come on! The score is alright, not overpowering or too dramatic. Her strange dreams are fun, though nonsensical, and should’ve been cut back as the rest of the movie. Seriously, why is this thing so long? Didn’t they edit anything in 1968? I thought there was something else that I enjoyed, but I’m miserably mistaken. I k...