Charles W Jones

Ghostbusters: Afterlife (2021) is one of those films I put off seeing because reboots are hit or miss, and the previous installment left a horrible taste in my mouth; I never finished watching that one. I was impressed with this one though. The opening was intense and far more frightening than the original two in just those few minutes. While the originals and this one were considered Comedy/Fantasy, the comedy in Afterlife was darker; I’m a little surprised Horror wasn’t included.  I tend to be critical of CGI in any movie because it just looks fake a lot of the time for me, but what they did here didn’t make me cringe for the wrong reasons. Even the effects for Zuul and Vinz Clortho didn’t bug me too much; I prefer the originals of course.  The story fits nicely too with what Egon would do and reflects some actual thought went into creating this film. The reunion at the end was sweet and (don’t laugh) a little emotional for me.  I loved Ghostbusters: Afterlife and gave ...

I don’t know how many times I’ve seen The Dungeonmaster (1984), but each time I see it, I am happy that I came across it again. In my most recent viewing, I couldn’t help but giggle about the prophetic glimpse into the future with X-CaliBR8, Paul’s computerized personal assistant, complete with a smartwatch and Google Glasses. I guess you could say that The Dungeonmaster is an anthology film. There are several distinct shorts within the challenges set by the villain, Mestemas. Each of these challenges is super bizarre with Tron-like effects, strange stop-motion animation like a Peter Gabriel music video, and let’s not forget the little people. Gwen, Paul’s girlfriend, is jealous of his relationship with his computer, which I would get if it were an android like in Cherry 2000, but it’s a wall of chips and an old IBM monitor. Once Mestema takes her, the challenges begin, and they don’t really make sense, but they are entertaining. One even includes a WASP concert. Did I mention the chee...

Freaks (2018) is an unexpected thriller that I’ve had lingering on my watch list for a while. I’m not sure it’s technically horror. It’s more like a strange post-apocalyptic film with a large amount of bizarro mixed in. Maybe, even like A Quiet Place (2018). Well, that was the beginning. Then the further I went down the rabbit hole, I thought of the book This Time of Darkness by H.M. Hoover. But still, that didn’t prepare me for what came next and how it ended. Enter the TV Series Heroes. Freaks is one of the more difficult films to discuss without giving spoilers as there aren’t many flashy effects throughout. They save those for the money shots at the end. The acting is excellent, as are the sets. But what steals the show are the unexpected twists. I highly recommend Freaks and give 4 out of 5 Stars. Freaks (2018) #Dark #SciFi #Thriller Click To Tweet

Never heard of Robot Holocaust ( 1986 ), don’t worry, I hadn’t either until recently when I started searching for something different. Well, ladies and gentlemen, Tim Kincaid always produces some of the strangest movies, and this one is pretty special and different, though not unpredictable. I love how movies set in the post-apocalyptic world dress people like cavemen or Conan the Barbarian stylings. Aren’t there enough things to wear in warehouses or shopping malls? Some of the costuming is interesting like it was rejected stuff from other movies (Torque is a good example). Even the cave worms remind me of something I’ve seen someplace else. That’s not to say that the quality isn’t good, even the wanna be C-3PO is fun. Robot Holocaust is only seventy-nine minutes long, which is more than enough time to provide us with some of the best…worst…hmmm…acting from the bottom of the barrel of performers. At least, it’s good for a few laughs along the journey to the Power Station. Though, with...

A Clüsterfünke Christmas (2021) is not what I expected. I thought since it was on Comedy Central, it would be funnier, but alas, it was like a super extended Saturday Night Light skit that just wouldn’t end. Well, that’s not all it was. Let’s not forget that it wasn’t much different from movies on a channel that I still will not mention. It follows Holly, who is sent to a strange little town to buy the Clüsterfünke Inn. As new characters were introduced, I hoped it would get better, but sadly it didn’t. The slapstick comedy in it was good, and there were some funny parts. Those things didn’t keep from getting a bit queasy. I probably would’ve turned it off had it not been for Cheyenne Jackson. Too bad he didn’t take his shirt off randomly. It might have made this feeble attempt to parody romantic Christmas movies more palatable. If you haven’t seen A Clüsterfünke Christmas, I don’t recommend it. If you have and enjoyed it, no judgment from me. There’s tons of stuff that goes the other ...

I wasn’t going to say anything about seeing The Bitch Who Stole Christmas (2021), but after a moment’s thought, I decided that I needed to tell you about it. If you are a RuPaul Drag Race fan, this is one you don’t want to miss. On top of that, it spoofs those movies on a channel that shall not be named. It highlights some of my favorite Queens from Drag Race, like Ginger Minj, Jan, and Latrice Royale. Of course, RuPaul is in it, though it’s pretty apparent that she filmed with green screen and wasn’t on the set with the rest of the cast. And let’s not forget Michelle Visage, who narrates the film in the Night Before Christmas style. It revolves around Olivia St. LaPelle, who is sent to Tuckahoe to write an expose for a failing magazine in hopes of getting the next big promotion. If you’ve seen any of the films from that channel that I won’t mention, you know how those Christmas movies go, and this one does the same thing without all the sappiness. The comedy level is off the hook with...

One of my favorite Post-Apocalyptic Dystopian movies from the 80s is Radioactive Dreams (1985). After searching for years and years, I found it on YouTube; someone was kind enough to copy it from VHS and upload it (the quality is better than I expected too), which I’m sure is 100% legal. I don’t care. I was super excited to see it again. The movie revolves around Philip Chandler and Marlowe Hammer, who finally dig out of the fallout shelter their fathers left them in when nuclear bombs were exploded worldwide. Neither knows what it is like in the world outside, but they are determined to find their dads, and they do. Chandler and Hammer are like 1950s gumshoes because they learned from old detective books in the shelter. Radioactive Dreams’ soundtrack is filled with obscure New Wave tracks that, in my opinion, should’ve had so much play on the radio back in the day, but they didn’t. Sue Saad is featured in a scene even, performing a song in music video style while the action happens in...

Prison Planet aka Badlanders (1992) is one of those movies with a lingering theme that I didn’t think hit the mark. There are some great moments that have a delightful layer of cheese, but not enough to make me ever see this again. The acting is 80s porn good. James Phillips plays Blaine and has the quest of finding the rightful leader of the solar system on Prison Planet. To get to the planet, he is arrested and then undergoes one of the strangest interrogations I have ever witnessed. You know it’s the 90s when prison guards where painter’s caps, but Blaine’s 1.5-inch heeled ankle boots scream the decade louder than the caps. The set is a ruined land like what is seen in Cherry 2000 or any Mad Max film. For being a “prison planet” I would expect guards or something, but it’s all just chaos wanting to be anarchy. Even Cypress didn’t make sense. I expected a town of sorts but it was just a bunch of sheets hanging around a fire. And then there’s Broxton, the evil tyrant who Blaine pissed...

Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone ( 1983 ) is considered a Space Western, which is a funny term on its own, but in this film, the space footage isn’t more than ten minutes. The musical score stays true to other big name Space Operas (another term that makes me giggle), it even competed with Star Wars: Return of the Jedi or thought it did. How many times have I seen this? At least 50 times, there’s something about it that sucks me in every time I see it, and is the reason it is one of my top 20 all time favorite movies. The costuming is like an episode of Mad Max, and the effects are epic. I love the ship made from railcars, I just wish it wasn’t destroyed so soon. The cast is quite exciting. Peter Straus plays Wolff, he is one sexy muthafucka bounty hunter that meets up with young Molly Ringwald playing Niki a ‘Scav.’ Eventually, they join forces with Washington, Ernie Hudson, to save the supermodels from Overlord’s grip (Michael Ironside). I will forever love Spacehunter: ...

Cadaver (2020) is one of those movies that kept me entertained throughout, wondering what would happen next. It begins with a strange scene of children going through heaps of clothing in a hotel, and then it took me outside to an apparent post-apocalyptic/dystopian world with dead littering the streets. When a carnie appearing man invites a group of people to the dinner theatre hotel, the fun begins. I questioned what they served as “meat” since these people can’t get food. There’s a good reason for my suspicion, which is unveiled later in the film. The bizarreness of the guests wearing masks so they can be discerned from “actors” as they follow these people through the hotel to see visual delights is a nice touch. Our protagonists are the family, Leonora and Jacob and their daughter, Alice, who disappears and her parents begin to search for her. Mathias is the hotel’s leader, and oddly, most of his staff don’t know what he’s up to. The musical score is fantastic, some of the best, add...

At the beginning of Journey to the Seventh Planet ( 1962 ), the narrator paints a story of the future, this is an excerpt. “The year is 2001. Life is changed now. The planet Earth is no longer racked by wars and threats of annihilation. Man has learned to live with himself.” I wish we would’ve hit that expectation, I guess we still have time. Paradise Uranus – complete with rats, several Eves, and even our apples. Journey to the Seventh Planet is an American International Pictures film, which is obvious with the styling, the thing that amazes me is that they did this with a budget of $75k. One of the things I love about AIP is their ingenuity and recycling of sets and props. The effects are cool and trippy in this one, too, and they even use stop-motion animation; love it. I started laughing every time they said Ur-ah-nus. I don’t think I’ve ever heard it pronounced that way before—obviously, Ur-anus or Ur-an-us—and everyone was very thoughtful about making sure that they said it ...

The F-in Plugot tricked me. Nena America 3000 ( 1986 ) is one of those forgotten gems that brings about a sense of nostalgia in me. While the setting is Colorado (there’s a sign for Denver Brighton), it was filmed in Israel. I guess it’s cheaper to film over there than here. Tony Berg made the music for this one with magical guitar riffs. The costuming and sets are what one would expect from this genre of movie filmed anytime. The hair is amazing, though, but it was the 80s so of course it was. Adding an extra layer of WTF to this one, there’s a narrator giving colorcast of things that happened and insights of some of the characters. This duty, for whatever reason, they gave to Gruss, who is Korvis’ sidekick. In this world, the women call men Plugots. The women, who are in power awaiting the president to come, are named Frowl. I think, for both. It was hard to understand the words since none of the characters said them the same. Maybe, if the acting would’ve been better than...

So, yeah, this isn’t horror at all, but it’s still amazing. How could I leave Flash Gordon ( 1980 ) out of my diversion walk? Besides, it has an amazing soundtrack composed and performed by Queen, but that’s not the only reason I enjoy this movie. The level of campiness is astounding. It’s one of the most melodramatic movies I’ve ever seen. Topol, who plays Hans Zarkov is the cheesiest; it reminds me of Evil Dead in acting style. Seeing it now after many years I never realized Timothy Dalton was in it, and the one that blew me away was Richard O’Brien (Riff Raff from The Rocky Horror Picture Show). The entire cast brought their A-game. The character Ming the Merciless isn’t that different from Supreme Being in Time Bandits (1981), so I see where that movie got the inspiration. The special effects are a delightful mix from lava lamp like visuals to the likes of the laser beams from the original Star Wars (1977). The sets and costuming are spectacular, but with such an enormous budget, I...

You wanna know what saved my neck. This. Helmet. Steal. GI. Olive Drab. Government Issue. Nothing else. Not luck. Not magic. Not my guardian angel. The Sarge Zone Troopers (1985) is filled with so many strange elements that it’s hard not to be pulled into this bizarre world that puts WWII together with an alien spacecraft crash. At times it feels like it’s trying to be a Pyun film as so many of the era did, but this has an extra special layer of crazy that you should really see for yourself. Richard Band does the music. It’s just as strange as the rest of the movie and sounds like something I’d expected from an Austin Powers episode. If you remember (or have seen) Hogan’s Heroes, you’ll see moments like that in Zone Troopers. Through the years, I’ve seen several movies with Tim Thomerson, who plays the Sarge, and each he’s laid it on thick, but in Zone Troopers, he goes for the gusto, making one of his best performances ever recorded. Then there’s Biff Manard as ...

What do these have in common… lightning rods, Fig Newtons, escalators, ballpoint pens, and Vaseline? Cherry 2000 Anyone care to chance a guess as to how many times I’ve seen Cherry 2000 (1988)? I think it exceeds twenty, but it could be many more. The thing that surprises me the most about this film is how few people that I know who’ve seen it. And the saddest thing was that I’ve heard about this movie is that there are talks of a remake. PLEASE, DON’T DO IT. You’ll only destroy the whimsical, nonsensical aspects of this cinematic delight and the campiness that is this 80s classic. Cherry 2000 is set in post-apocalyptic California circa 2017.—it’s amazing to see the similarities of reality compared with movies, and this has so much in common with what happened in 2017.—She is a sex robot. That’s right, one of my all-time favorite movies is about a sex toy, go figure. The one thing I’ve never understood about this movie was how Cherry shorted out. It’s not like she hadn’t been wett...

Another post-apocalyptic film from the 1980s many tend to snub is She (1985), staring Shandahl Bergman and David Goss. This epic journey is completely amazing and feels like a continuous dream that changes from one strange reality to another; think Alice in Wonderland with a lot more LSD. I remember watching this one on VHS back in the day. I think I even copied it because I liked it that much; too bad I don’t have any of those anymore. The story follows Tom and Dick, who are on a quest to rescue Tom’s sister from the evil Norks. Each step is absolute magic, starting with meeting She and her devotees. While some…wait, not just some, the majority of the scenes are comical and cheesy, don’t discount it too soon. The absolute magic of each sequence is a delight. The music is excellent, also. I wish I could’ve found a trailer for this one because it is something to see (I did run across the full movie on YouTube, though that’s not where I saw it). Do yourself a favor, and see this gem. I g...

Excellent. They’re even more violent than I imagined. Our customers will be pleased. Z Mutant Hunt (1987) is a Tim Kincaid film, and like so many of his B-Movie hits it has the 80s porn soundtrack thumping in the background. Of course, there’s a good reason for that, but I won’t bring that up now. The low-budget sets look like the same warehouse all his movies were filmed; totally not a bad thing, I love the ingenuity. Now, if you ever wondered what would happen if cyborgs used drugs, this movie will answer that question. Euphoron is the drug of choice in this strange world, and it turns the cyborgs into psychosexual killers. The story isn’t anything, but what it lacks is made up by the incredible script filled with some of the best one liners. The technology in this one is innovative, too. I mean, they have smartwatches. Relax it was a pleasure droid…last year’s model. Matt Riker Matt Riker (Rick Gianasi) has some mad Kung Fu moves and throws ...

Today is Madonna’s birthday, so I figured I’d throw together some reviews of a few of her movies. I hear the question in your mind, How is a horror author and fan a Madonna fan? The answer is simple. She’s fabulous. Inspiration comes from so many places, adding to the strange and interesting facets of who I am. Then again, no one should be surprised by what I like or don’t; I’m a huge Doris Day fan, too. Now, on to the Madonna Movie Marathon. I think my problem with Desperately Seeking Susan (1985) when it came out was that it was touted as the Madonna Movie. That never made sense to me since Madonna was in very few scenes, which disappointed the fuck out of me. Thirty-plus years later, I’ve finally let that go, making this film much more satisfying and enjoyable. The story revolves around mistaken identity because of a jacket with a pyramid on the back that belonged to Jimmy Hendricks or Elvis Presley depending upon whom you ask. Roberta buys the jacket, and that is where the fun be...

I have a thing for dystopian movies because they have a great mix of science fiction, action, suspense, and horror. I saw Escape From New York (1981) when I was a kid, and vaguely remember bits and pieces of it. The one thing I remember from my first viewing was the terrifying thoughts of how the world could end up. I know John Carpenter also composed the musical score, but why does it sound so much like Halloween? Not a big deal, it just stuck in my head at times. The use of actors from his previous films is cool, like Donald Pleasence as the President, who was Dr. Loomis in Halloween (1978), Charles Cyphers as Secretary of State, also from Halloween, and Adrienne Barbeau as Maggie; she played Stevie Wayne in The Fog (1980). On top of that, we get Kurt Russell in the leading role, Harry Dean Stanton as Brain (he was in Alien (1979) and Pretty in Pink (1986)), and let’s not forget Ernest Borgnine, who I hope doesn’t need further reference. The costuming reminds me of the Village Peopl...

Today, I thought I’d take a slight detour and explore some non-horror B-movies. If you will, take a step with me into the world of Albert Pyun. Ready or not, let’s jump on into this bizarre collection of visual delights. Hold on tight. You’re in for one hell of a ride. Vicious Lips (1986) is the story of the band of the same name trying to make it to the top. They take a spaceship to another planet for a gig at Radioactive Dreams. When they have a near miss with a meteor, they crash land onto Passion Planet where the bizarre almost ethereal sets look like a garage that they threw sheer drapery around. Vicious Lips has everything I could ask for in a B-Movie: gooey-gloopy cheese, great hair, awesome clothes, amazing sets, strange creatures, and delightful special make-up effects. However, the real star is the music, and since I’m a lover of 80s New Wave, it took my admiration of Vicious Lips to a different level. There is also a horror element that at points turns into exploitation, bu...