Christmas quickly approached and we still had not finished our preparations. We needed to finish decorating, finish shopping and prepare the children. The decorating was the easiest to finish and my awesome display was up and running in one evening. The shopping was not going to be easy; where exactly does one find twenty pounds of brains? I called several butchers and the ones that did not hang-up on me could not control their fits of laughter, leaving me to eventually hung-up.

This was the first Christmas that we would have after my in-laws had died. I was lucky enough to find them and invite them over for Christmas without incident. They still looked the same, for the most part; it is not as though they were missing limbs or had eyeballs dangling out of their sockets. However, the fact that they are dead is enough. I try to be indulgent of my wife; she insisted that we invite them. “Christmas won’t be the same without them here,” she guilted me. I gave in and went to find them.

I have to say, the smell is probably the most incredible thing you can imagine. The woman at the candle store looked at us with a strange look when we asked for three cases of the pine scented candles. They are placed strategically around the house; not a single square millimeter of the house misses the scent of pine.

We told the children that they probably would not be receiving gifts from Nanna and Pappa this year. They took that with a grain of salt. Then we explained why. I was expecting a stronger reaction, but they looked at us with their normal bored expressions whenever my wife and I tell them anything.

I glanced out the window and saw them lumbering up the street; Nanna in her brilliant blue dress-suit, she would not be caught dead without it, and Pappa in his Army uniform; thank God for small favors, they did not bury him with his service revolver. My wife rushed around the house, making sure all the candles were lit, then stood at the door with me in ghastly awe, as her parents stumbled through the front yard, destroying my Christmas display.

The children were on their best behavior and did not make a single fuss throughout dinner. They sat staring at Nanna and Pappa without saying a word; their mouths slightly open and their eyes wide. I was proud of them.

About halfway through dinner, I heard a scuffling sound at the front door. I looked to my wife, who gave me the “I don’t know” look, so I went to investigate. I looked out the window and saw three undead scratching at the door—I did not know them and I assumed they were friends of Nanna and Pappa. I opened the door and invited them in. What the hell, it is Christmas and the more the merrier.

Read all the entries at

%d bloggers like this: