Hospital Massacre (1982) #Lost80s #Valentine Special

Talk about an identity crisis, Hospital Massacre (1982) is also known as X-Ray, Ward 13, and Be My Valentine or Else. I guess it’s a way to get a better market share, and you get a nice array of posters, though I only found two.

Young and lovely on the outside, maybe, but old and rotten on the inside. Mrs. Edelman

In 1961 a boy named Harold left a homemade Valentine’s Day card for Susan, but she isn’t receptive to his pining. She and her boyfriend, David, laugh as she wads up the card, throwing it to the floor—I’m not telling you what happens next is this backstory scene—then we jump to present day, well 1982. Grown-up Susan is played by Barbi Benton, who I haven’t thought of in years. She was a regular on Hee Haw; yes, I used to watch it as a kid with the family.

The deliberate psychotic way everyone in this film handles sharp objects is like nothing I’ve seen in any other movie. And what is amazing, I carry knives the same way, especially when I’m going to cut a cake. The gleam in their eye when they do this is amazing and spot-on, too. The nurses are like Dominatrix Barbies dressed as nurses and are like brainwashed to do everything the doctor says.

The hospital is beyond surreal, and I’m not talking about Susan smoking in her room. They set the mood of this slasher perfectly. Even Arlon Ober’s music is creepy as hell. The killer is a heavy breather, blowing the pleats of his face mask smooth, and groans like he’s having an orgasm. The blood spray is abundant and fierce.

It’s Harold, remember?
What do you want?
What I’ve always wanted…
your heart.

Hospital Massacre is filled with great suspense, over the top gore, and creepiness around every turn. I love it that Susan isn’t gonna just lay down and die, and fights to the very end. It is truly an amazing film, that’s why I give it 4.5 out of 5 Stars.

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